Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Funny as Hell

14. Elisabeth Bumiller

Charges: The ultimate Bush hagiographer, Bumiller is responsible for unearthing such essential information as Bush’s iPod playlist and how he always makes his bed time. Bumiller’s weekly presidential throat job in the rapidly declining New York Times, the “White House Letter,” reads like transparent ad copy for the president. Her unabashedly moist, worshipful tone would seem a little over-the-top at an RNC convention. Bumiller revealed the secret of her success to her alumni magazine at Northwestern: doing the very least that her job description requires. “At every press conference I stand up every time and ask a question,” Bumiller said. “No matter what.” Wow.

Exhibit A: “You can’t say George Bush is wrong here. There’s no way you can say that in the New York Times…You can’t just say the president is lying. You don’t just say that in the… You can’t say the president is lying—that’s a judgment call… What is wrong with that? What is your problem with that? What? Why do you all object to that?”

Sentence: The Times’ reign as the “paper of record” is finally brought to an end when the paper’s headquarters are demolished by readers upon publication of Bumiller’s final dispatch, “Bush’s Taint: Sweet Like Honey.”


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